Estrogen doesn’t stain
Feminine calls,
as woman walk past,
showering me with estrogen.
Girl-friend longing.
i see happiness
in this,
flowing from shared lives.
Go for it, i tell myself.
Estrogen doesn’t stain.
(poem altered on nov13,2o1o)
Must not change for friendship
Must change
so i am good enough
for you/them.
Now i veer away
from people
if this compulsion
touches me.
To feel liked as i am
is more change directing
than any obsessive feeling.
Relations redo us;
love and like directed at us
encourage us in moving.
To be loved/liked
for myself
is more happy making*
than change compulsions.
*with thanks to Scott Westerfeld for Uglies et al.
December 12th
On the twelfth day of Christmas
i thought about
how living alone
is a an existence
full of experiences
that lack
depth,
bright colour,
richness,
much joy,
great happiness.
One gift I desire O Lord,
one gift I long for,
a girlfriend to share my life with
a wife to share all with me.
In Your mercy and kindness,
in Your abundant goodness,
please help me to find her.
A Christmas gift longed for.
Feminine incarnation.
December 11th
On the eleventh day of Christmas
I bumped into
depression.
We exchange greetings,
shake hands,
but I do not
walk with him.
Some sadness lingers,
some soul darkness remains,
after he is gone.
Though
Christmas reminds me
in God there is help
“Risen with healing in His wings”
my longing for my true love,
and her lack of presence,
darkens my glance
as I regard Christmas
around me.
I know all is possible for You,
but still despaire sits with me
in Place Ville Marie
as I write.
December 7th
On the seventh day of Christmas
my thoughts turned
to my true love
again:
no geese,
no lords a leaping,
no rings given yet.
But I hope,
since it is Christmas,
and Christmas
is soaked in hope,
I hope
that the gift
of my Eve,
wrapped in flesh and
her life lived,
will be given
by the Giver of all good gifts.
